In this 5th message of the Stuck series, Pastor Conway preached a message entitled, ‘The Big “D” Word.’ Here are the answers to the sermon questions that we received about divorce and remarriage.
Q: Years ago I had relations with a man engaged to be married. This continued about a few months into his marriage. It eventually ended. Will this impact my possibility for marriage in the future if God deems it? How can this be biblically corrected?
A: If neither of you were married at the time you just need to seek repentance/forgiveness for sex outside of marriage. It doesn’t impact your ability to marry.
Q: What about when there is physical abuse? Is divorce okay then? Or in the case of spouse dying, is remarrying an option?
A: In the case of physical abuse we believe the Bible supports reconciliation although it may require separation. We support separation that is under the guidance of the church. If a spouse dies the other person is free to remarry.
Q: Does that mean there is only one man out there for a woman? There is only one person God created for any given man according to Matthew 19:4?
A: It means you have free will to choose anyone that’s saved but once you’re married there are no more options. You should seek God, His word and wise counsel before such a major decision.
Q: Does being divorced and remarried disqualify one from being a leader in the church?
A: Absolutely not! But like any other area of life we would have that person walk through repentance and reconciliation where needed.
Q: Please define immorality?
A: Immorality generally refers to sexual sins. Homosexuality, adultery, lust, etc.
Q: So according to Matt 9:9. A single person should not get involved with a divorcee because we are starting in sin? However when does one get forgiven?
A: It doesn’t mean you can never marry a divorcee it just means you need to clearly understand why they are divorced and if they initiated the divorce and if it’s biblically permissible (adultery). Repentance and reconciliation may need to happen before.
Q: If you committed adultery in your marriage, can you divorce even though the other person do not want to divorce but does not want to have sex anymore.
A: If you commit adultery you should always pursue reconciliation. Any consequences of that sin are thing you and your spouse need to take to God. If adultery occurs, only the spouse that did not commit adultery can initiate divorce. This is challenging but this works the same way our relationship with Christ works. Even when we sin he pursues relentlessly – he never gives up. Praise God!
Q: Should you divorce after adultery?
A: If you commit adultery, you should always pursue reconciliation first. The scripture says divorce is permissible, but still not preferred. If adultery occurs, only the spouse that did not commit adultery can initiate divorce
Q: If the husband is abusive is it okay to get a divorce?
A: In the case of physical abuse, we believe the Bible supports reconciliation although it may require separation for safety purposes. We support separation that is under the guidance of the church. We do not believe there is biblical support for divorce for any reason other than adultery.
Q: Is separation just as bad as a divorce?
A: No, not at all. There are situations when a couple needs to separate for the health of the marriage but it should be done under the guidance of the church. And the end goal should be reconciliation
Q: What was the Deuteronomy text?
A: The Deuteronomy scripture was Deut 24:1-4
Q: What are the Biblical reasons for divorce?
A: We believe there is biblical support for divorce in the case of adultery.
Q: Now that I am divorced, where does that leave me in regards to remarriage?
A: It would depend on why you divorced and who initiated the divorce. You will need to speak with a minister or church counselor that can lead you through the process of repentance and reconciliation if needed
Q: Now that I know that my spouse and I are not one. I know that I am stuck, what am I suppose to do now?
A: Now is the time for prayer! God works miracles! His desire is for your marriage and if you seek him earnestly and humbly he will make provision. Seek the wise counsel of a minister or Christian counselor and be willing to let God work. I promise you He will do something miraculous!
Q: Does God view marriages made from secular unions like a court house or Vegas the same as church led weddings…
A: The issue isn’t the venue, but rather God was involved in the process- selecting your mate, the wedding and most of all the marriage. It’s never too late to increase your view of God and marriage.
Q: If you got married by the court. Does God still bless that marriage? And then if you get a divorce does God still recognize you as married and as one?
A: Where you got married doesn’t matter. If you are Christian you are held to the standards of biblical covenant. God still recognizes you as married if you are divorced but you might need to walk through repentance and reconciliation where needed.
Q: How do I go about getting a divorce through the church from my first marriage?
A: You would need to meet with a minister who can give you guidance in that area after understanding the details of your situation. You can call our church at 469-767-4881 or email us at info@onechurchhome.org
Q: What are “church” accepted reasons that would allow for a divorce?
A: We believe there is biblical support for divorce in the case of adultery.
Q: If your spouse cheats on you (sleeps with someone else) is it okay to divorce.
A: Divorce is allowed biblically, but not preferred. We would still encourage you to pursue forgiveness and reconciliation the way Christ pursues us.
Q: If the husband cheats and then the wife subsequently is intimate prior to divorce finalized….what then?
A: The husband still should not initiate divorce and if divorce takes place there should be a time of repentance and forgiveness that is guided by a minister or church leader.
Q: How do you know if it is the right person the first time?
A: Biblically, the only requirement is that both people are saved but we also provide additional guidance and counseling to prepare couples for a successful marriage.
Q: So if you divorce your husband because one of you committed adultery, you are no longer married biblically… Right?
A: It depends on who initiated the divorce and who committed the divorce. You would need to meet with a minister who can give you guidance in that area after understanding the details of your situation. You can call our church at 469-767-4881 or email us at info@onechurchhome.org
Q: If we were not married in the Catholic Church, can my ex husband get an annulment through the Catholic Church?
A: It depends on if they follow the biblical guidelines for divorce. We would need to know their criteria and process for divorce.
Q: So is it right for me now as a single woman that tried to save her marriage to want to be remarried?
A: It’s not wrong to want to be married. But we would suggest you seek the guidance of the church regarding the specifics of your situation, so we can walk you through any spiritual restoration that may need to happen.
Q: Why was the lady painting a picture on stage last week?
A: It was to hold the tension while he was teaching and to illustrate a man washing his wife’s feet.
Q: Hello, based on the sermon today about marriage, my divorced occurred about seven years ago. I did go to my church for directions and based on the circumstances, it was biblical cause for my divorce. Currently I am in a relationship with a man who is divorced also. I am not sure if his reason was biblical however we now have a baby. So would it still be a curse upon us if we were to marry?
A: To be sure before you marry you should seek the counsel of the church. You need to be clear on why he is divorced and who initiated it because repentance and reconciliation may be necessary.
Q: So if you marry someone who did not divorce from spouse the right way does that make you also an adulterer?
A: It would truly depend on who initiated the divorce and who committed the adultery. I would encourage you to meet with a minister who can give you guidance in that area after understanding the details of your situation. You can call our church at 469-767-4881 or email us at info@onechurchhome.org
Q: What if you’re being abused? Shouldn’t you have to get out?
A: In the case of physical abuse we know it can be very tough and we need you to know God loves you deeply. We believe the Bible supports reconciliation although it may require separation for safety purposes. We support separation that is under the guidance of the church. We do not believe there is biblical support for divorce for any reason other than adultery but be encouraged we have seen God work miracles and restore marriages in these situations.
Q: Can you please define immorality as it is used here?
A: Immorality generally refers to sexual sins. Homosexuality, adultery, lust, sex outside of marriage, etc.
Q: What do you do if you’re divorced and your ex is already re-married…? Are you to stay single?
A: No, you are free to remarry. Trust God for the process and begin to view marriage the way He does.
Q: What do you do after you have already remarried?
A: If you have already remarried then we encourage you to seek repentance if necessary (depending in the details of the divorce). But your current marriage is the focus now. Trust God for the success of this marriage and begin to view it the way God does
Q: Hello… My question is when people get divorced and remarried, will God not forgive them and bless their new marriages?
A: Absolutely our God forgives. The issue is that we want to encourage people to seek forgiveness from God and their ex-spouse if necessary.
Q: So what would be acceptable for a divorce…..? What if one of the people in the marriage changes for the worst and you’ve tried but there is no change how long do you have to fight for your marriage?
A: Although we know that marriage can be very challenging we believe that the bible teaches we continue to forgive and pursue reconciliation the way God constantly pursues us. Matt 18:21 challenges us that forgiveness never reaches a limit in the same way that he always forgives us even when we change for the worse. I know thus will be very hard but we are here to walk with you and we trust God for a healthy and restored marriage.
Q: If I committed adultery and was not forgiven from my wife and divorce happened am I still considered and adultery and can I remarry even if I didn’t want the divorce in the first place. AM I FREE TO REMARRY EVEN IF MY EX-WIFE HAS NOT FORGIVEN ME?
A: If your wife initiated the divorce you are free to remarry. We encourage you to seek premarital counseling before you remarry. We also encourage you to seek God’s peace and restoration.
Q: I got married when I was young. I of course was clueless of everything a marriage consisted of. If he doesn’t believe in God (he grew up in the church) I grew up in the church. But he now states he’s not a believer. I asked him to pray and we did attempt speaking with a pastor. In the end he said he felt like the finger was only being pointed at him and he didn’t want to continue. How do I get him to believe God can can change anyone? He wants a divorce. What do I do? He’s in a totally different state now. I can’t move back again. Why can’t I just move forward with my life and repent about getting married so young? I now know better and what I should have asked for in a husband to began with.
A: We certainly know that’s a very difficult situation but we don’t believe the Bible supports a divorce outside of adultery. I would encourage you to pray and seek the counsel from someone at the church. We have a women’s support group for married women whose husbands aren’t believers. Of course ultimately the decision is yours but be careful about knowingly going against God’s will.
Q: If you are married and your spouse cheats and leaves you are you free to remarry?
A: If there was adultery (by your spouse) and you are divorced you are free to remarry. God bless!
Q: If I’m in a loveless/sexless marriage can I masturbate or use a battery powered device or is that offensive to God?
A: That kind of marriage can be very hard. We believe the Bible doesn’t support sexual pleasure outside if a marital relationship. We would encourage you to seek God for the spiritual reason behind the issues. The enemy wants you to give up hope and find your own solution but we know God is faithful and still works miracles. Feel free to setup some counseling with one of our female counselors. Be blessed and encouraged.
Q: If you are currently in a relationship and you have been divorced am I to stop that relationship?
A: It would truly depend on who initiated the divorce and who committed the adultery. I would encourage you to meet with a minister who can give you guidance in that area after understanding the details of your situation. You can call our church at 469-767-4881 or email us at info@onechurchhome.org.youshould proceed with caution in any relationship until you understand the details of the divorce.
Q: I am concerned that abused women will take today’s sermon to mean that they must allow the abuse or be damned by God. That’s awful place to be in. Also, I am divorced, but took my marriage seriously and I cried in court. I felt forced because my ex wouldn’t stop having affairs and even gave me an illness. He flaunted his affairs in front of me and felt he could do what he wanted because I wasn’t going anywhere. He would also call me dumb and just really didn’t care. So, you can say it’s my fault because I married him, but no one signs up for that purposefully. I waited and prayed almost 15 years for a change and it just got worse. By the end of the marriage, I didn’t know the color of the sky. So, is it just okay for women to stay in abusive relationships or must the man do that also?
A: In the case of physical abuse we know it can be very tough and we need you to know God loves you deeply. We don’t encourage women to stay in abusive relationships. We believe the Bible supports reconciliation although it may require separation for safety purposes. We support separation that is under the guidance of the church. We do not believe there is biblical support for divorce for any reason other than adultery but be encouraged we have seen God work miracles and restore marriages in these situations. If your spouse committed adultery you are free to remarry.
Q: So what if you have already divorced and made the mistake of remarrying and are divorced again. How do you reconcile with God?
A: We believe you should seek reconciliation by asking God for forgiveness and healing and restoration in that area. We also suggest counseling to deal with the wounds and effects of divorce.
Q: So what if the original marriage was never sanctioned by God? I.e. marriage by justice of the peace then divorced and now remarried via counseling and church and covenant of God?
A: If you have already remarried then we encourage you to seek repentance if necessary (depending in the details of the divorce). If either of you were Christians in your original marriage you should still ask God’s forgiveness. But your current marriage is the focus now. Trust God for the success of this marriage and begin to view it the way God does. Ask him to show you how you can impact your family with a high view of God and marriage.
Q: What if a man wants to leave his wife. Sexual immorality is the only reason allowed for divorce. What’s to stop one spouse from deliberately committing adultery to be able to divorce and remarry?
A: That’s a difficult situation but you can’t control the behavior of someone else. You can pray and seek counseling from the church. Trust God to change their heart. He still works miracles!
Q: So is the word that you are committing adultery unless your spouse is deceased?
A: It depends on the details of the situation. If the divorce person committed adultery you should always pursue reconciliation first. The scripture says divorce is Permissible but still not preferred. If adultery occurs only the spouse that did not commit adultery can initiate divorce. If they committed adultery and initiated the divorce they should seek council on pursuing repentance and reconciliation. If you did not commit adultery or your spouse is remarried you are free to remarry. We are here to walk with u!
Q: As a woman, how do I apply the message today inside my home if my husband has not heard this teaching?
A: This is a tough situation but be encouraged by 1Pet 3:1. Wives have more power through the lives they live than they do through the words they say. Pray earnestly for your husband and love for your husband and love and respect as Eph 5:33 says. There are women here to pray with you if you email prayer@onechurchhome.org
Q: If both of us were previously divorced and we wanted to get married would you tell us we can’t? Or is that just when one person is divorced and the other single?
A: It depends on the details of the situation. If the divorce person committed adultery you should always pursue reconciliation first. The scripture says divorce is Permissible but still not preferred. If adultery occurs only the spouse that did not commit adultery can initiate divorce. If they committed adultery and initiated the divorce they should seek council on pursuing repentance and reconciliation. If you did not commit adultery or your spouse is remarried you are free to remarry. We are here to walk with you!
Q: Message Stuck- what If you got a divorce and one of the reasons was you committed adultery n you did not ask Church for divorce what should you do. If the man gives the wife a certificate of divorce can the woman agree n divorce according to the word of God?
A: It depends on the details of the situation. If the divorce person committed adultery you should always pursue reconciliation first. The scripture says divorce is Permissible but still not preferred. If adultery occurs only the spouse that did not commit adultery can initiate divorce. If they committed adultery and initiated the divorce they should seek council on pursuing repentance and reconciliation. If you did not commit adultery or your spouse is remarried you are free to remarry. We are here to walk with you.
